


When You Don’t Dream Anymore

by 00FFFF



Series: Out of Moonlight [3]
Category: Hermitcraft
Genre: Bonding over not being human, Gen, Non-human hermits - Freeform, Vex Magic, Werewolf, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29355627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/00FFFF/pseuds/00FFFF
Summary: Ren often thinks about how Vex magic has changed his life. When neither of them seem to be able to fall asleep one night, Scar offers his own perspective.
Series: Out of Moonlight [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652413
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	When You Don’t Dream Anymore

Ren sneaks out of his van, unable to fall asleep. No matter how hard he tried (and perhaps that was his mistake, he thinks), sleep just wouldn’t take his mind. 

Grian and Impulse are snoring, both of them in their respective vans. Ren can hear them through the thin walls. Surely they never snored like that before? Ren wouldn’t be able to tell. 

He looks up at the moon and smiles. He always feels better under the night sky, ever since... his whole thing with Doc and Scar happened.

It’s still strange to try and wrap his mind around. He’s a wolf now, but also somehow made of vex magic? It doesn’t make a lot of sense. And with him and Scar being on opposite sides of this ‘Area 77 versus the Hippies’ thing they’ve got going on now, it isn’t exactly easy to stop by to ask him about it.

Ren sneaks out of the main camp, past the farm, past the giant silo, over to Grian’s barn. The farms aren’t running now, thankfully. Those machines make an awful lot of noise, even for human ears.

Before he gets the chance to get lost in thought, though, he hears- something. A fluttering? Flapping? And a soft thud. Ren’s ears point him to where the sound came from and his head whips around, just barely catching sight of the wings before they disappear into Scar’s back.

“...Scar?” He asks. Think of the devil, and he shows up, it seems. Scar waves at Ren, before rolling his shoulders.

“Hey Ren,” Scar greets him with his usual, lopsided smile. “Can’t sleep either, huh?”

Ren nods hesitantly. He isn’t sure if Scar is here because of Area 77 business or not, so he eyes Scar warily.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to snoop on you,” Scar says, holding his hands up, and Ren shakes his head when he realizes that he’s been _growling_ at Scar. 

Ren clears his throat and tries to get himself to relax, but finds himself still wary of Scar's presence. All this new magic stuff is messing with his head, he swears. If it’s not something to do with the wolf part, then it must be the vex magic part.

“Mind if we talked for a bit?” Scar asks, successfully grasping Ren’s attention again. “I’d appreciate the company. Cub and Doc are both asleep right now.”

Ren nods, but before he can say anything he hears that sound again- two wings appear to pop into existence on Scar’s back, and he’s being hoisted up into the air. Scar lands the two of them carefully on top of the roof of the barn, at which point Ren clings to the sloping roof for his life.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist the urge,” Scar laughs softly. “Do you want to go back?” He holds his hand out for Ren to take. 

“No, thank you,” Ren declines. “One sudden trip like that is more than enough.” Scar nods, and sits down on top of the roof, letting his legs dangle over the edge. Ren tries to sit down as well, but can’t seem to find a good position for his tail. He struggles for a moment longer before he settles on folding his legs underneath him, his tail resting comfortably behind.

Scar’s vex wings flutter, and then seemingly fade out of existence. Ren knows they’re still there. He doesn’t know how, but he knows.

“You make it look so easy,” Ren sighs.

Scar looks up. “Make what look easy?”

“Just... everything. The flying, the magic, the whole being awake when nobody else is... Living with something that nobody else has. It’s been so long and I’m _still_ not used to this whole new limb on my back!” Ren wags his tail awkwardly in demonstration.

Scar laughs softly. “It’s all practice, I have to say. You’ve been what you are for, what, two or three months? That’s nothing! I’ve been practicing vex magic for _years_ and I’m still not an expert!”

“‘Years’?” Ren questions. “Not your whole life? I assumed...”

Scar nods. “Most people do. Contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t born this... this amalgamation of vex magic in a human body.”

“Oh?”

“It was a whole thing. Cub, he...” Scar trails off.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ren says. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Scar smiles. “Thank you.”

“No problem, dude.” Ren turns back to face the forest just outside of the hippie commune. He spent his last full moon in there, still getting used to what being a wolf feels like. He doesn’t get a lot of practice, only turning into one once a month. And acting _like_ a wolf when in mostly human form just doesn’t count, he thinks. Plus, it’s just- embarrassing to let himself go like that. What would Grian say if he found out that it was _Ren_ who killed his pet chicken?!

Scar pulls him from his thoughts once again, speaking softly. “It’s nice, isn’t it?” 

Ren hums questioningly. 

“The moon,” Scar says, causing Ren to look up at it again. There’s something... _new_ about it, Ren realizes. Something similar to when the moon is full, something he wouldn’t have noticed were he still human.

“It gives us energy. Power,” Scar says. “Not just us who are powered by vex magic, but other magical creatures as well. It’s like... the moon filters out the sun’s rays and only lets the purest of magic, of _energy_ through. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what happens, but that’s what it feels like, to me.”

Ren finds himself nodding, agreeing with Scar’s description. He supposes that it is true, in a way. He isn’t an actual werewolf, as far as he understands. He’s a wolf, being kept in human mind and shape by vex magic. That reminds him-

“Scar, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Ren begins.

“Yeah?” Scar looks at him. His eyes are almost blue under the moonlight.

“If I’m, well, made of vex magic, how come I can’t use it like you and Cub can?”

“Oh! I never did explain it that well to you, did I?” Scar laughs sheepishly, quickly lifting up his hat to scratch behind his ears. “The reason for that is, well... It’s _me,_ actually.”

Ren cocks his head to the side in question.

Scar breathes in. “Ren, you must know how the Vex are with their contracts, with their ways of roping people into doing what they want, right?”

Ren nods.

“I know all too well what they’re capable of,” Scar continues. “So I made sure they wouldn’t be allowed, or even _able_ to possess you. The possession is what grants those magical abilities.”

“So you and Cub-”

“Signed contracts with the Vex, yes. It cost us more than we could have imagined, though. I highly discourage you from seeking them out to sell your soul to. They’re not worth it.” Scar laughs softly, but it doesn’t sound... it doesn’t _feel_ good. Ren inhales deeply. Yeah, being able to smell what people are feeling is still extremely weird, he decides.

Scar hums softly. “I only recently signed my own contract, actually. It was Cub’s contract that bound me and him under the Vex’s control.”

A chill runs down Ren’s spine, all the way to the tip of his tail. “They... they let you bargain with another person’s life like that? They just let you make a contract for someone else’s body?”

Scar nods. “Yeah.”

“That’s... that’s messed up.”

“It is,” Scar says. “But hey, it worked out in the end! I’ve spent so much time around them that I know what they are capable of, and I managed to make them help you, without hurting you or being able to lay claim to your body in the slightest, so I suppose one good thing came out of it after all.”

Ren looks back up at the moon, not sure what to say to Scar. He... he sold his own _soul_ for _him?_ What do you even say to that?! 

“I’m really sorry about this whole Vex thing. I didn’t mean to pull you into this.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ren says. “I...” He really isn’t sure what to say.

Scar shakes his head. “Any other time I would have asked first, but... you were...”

“-A wolf? Yeah, I understand.”

Scar nods.

“Thank you, though,” Ren says.

“Huh?”

“I’ve had some more time to think about it, and... Well. I guess I really _would_ have turned into a wolf if you hadn’t used magic. If you hadn’t signed a _contract_ with the Vex, so... thank you, for that. For doing that for me.”

Scar smiles, throwing an arm around Ren and squeezing gently. “Just doing my part, doing what I can to help a friend out.”

“How have you been holding up, by the way?” Scar then asks, tone of voice much lighter than before. “I can’t imagine making the transition from being human to something... not human can be any easier than what I went through.”

“Oh! Er...” Ren is caught off guard. “I don’t know, man, it feels so long ago already, but like you said, it’s only been about three months or so. Sometimes I don’t even know if the things I do are quirks from before, or after the whole... wolf thing.” Ren barks out a laugh.

“That sounds familiar,” Scar says. “Not the actual ‘being a wolf’ thing, but, y’know...”

Ren nods, grinning.

“Y’know, it’s-” Scar turns to look at the moon as well. “It’s strange. I can’t actually remember much of when I was a human.”

Ren nearly chokes on his own saliva. “You’re _not_ human?”

“Oh! No, haven’t been in a long time,” Scar says as if he’s talking about the weather. “You’d be surprised at how few humans there actually are, in fact.”

“I- I didn’t know,” Ren says. He sniffs the air again, but... apart from the crackling, cold scent of vex magic, Scar undoubtedly smells _human._ How is he-?

“I know I don’t look like it, but I’m quite dead,” Scar states. 

Ren is speechless. And here he thought that he was the only one (besides Cleo, Doc, and Jevin) who was _different._ Ren grips the top of the roof tightly, fearing that he might fall off if Scar says anything more to throw him for a loop. If _Scar_ isn’t human either, then who else isn’t? Cub? Xisuma? Grian? Impulse-?

Scar offers Ren a pat on his shoulder, and the crackling of magic that the contact produces doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you okay there?” Scar asks with a slightly worried smile.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m- Sorry, I,” Ren shakes his head. “I just. Need to reassess everything I thought I knew about everybody on the server, it’s fine.”

Scar laughs out loud at that, and Ren joins in with a laugh of his own. 

Ren looks at Scar. He’s... He _must_ be corporeal, right? Yeah, Scar could touch him, he lifted Ren up onto the roof. So he isn’t a ghost. _...Is_ he? It’s killing Ren, he has to ask-

“You’re... _dead?”_ He asks carefully.

“Yep! I guess I could be considered undead, if that’s the right word. The Vex saved me, in a way. They allow me to keep occupying my own body instead of becoming a straight up ghost or disappearing altogether.” Scar shifts his legs, crossing one over the other.

“There’s always a price to pay, with the Vex,” He says. “Sometimes they force me outside of my own body, like what happened when you... yeah. It’s a very thin line to balance on sometimes, but it’s what’s keeping me alive, so I don’t feel like I can complain.”

Ren listens intently to Scar’s words. There’s... there’s so much more to his friends than he ever could have thought. Even Cub and Scar’s whole ‘ConVex’ thing must have a much deeper meaning to it than he still thinks.

Scar chuckles, making up for Ren’s silence. “Sometimes I forget that I’m not human anymore. I don’t even know _what_ I am, sometimes. Am I truly dead? Am I still alive? Am I part Vex? Am I just a corpse kept in motion by magic..?”

Ren nods. He knows that feeling all too well. But- he never would have guessed that those wings were because Scar is not _human_. He thought they were regular ConVex magic. Though, when he thinks about it, it’s true that he hasn’t seen Cub with them, ever. Only Scar. 

“I... never would have guessed you were anything other than human,” Ren finally says. 

Scar smiles, looking down at his feet. “That means a lot to me, Ren. I often question where my loyalties should lie, even though I really should know by now, so... Thank you.”

“Hey, even if you’re not human, neither am I, right? And you’re still a person. Still someone I hope I can call a friend,” Ren says, and as soon as he does so he finds himself tackled into a hug by Scar.

“Naww, Ren!” Scar coos, and Ren struggles to hug Scar back, but still appreciates the gesture. He leans into Scar’s touch, even more so when Scar begins to scratch behind his ears. He’s still not completely used to his wolf instincts yet, but... it’s nice.

Still held by Scar, enjoying the physical contact, Ren asks, “So... the other hermits aren’t human either?”

Scar chuckles. “Yeah, well- some of them. I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you about everybody, but you know Doc well enough, right?”

Ren hums.

“That’s why he’s been working in his lab, actually. To figure out a way to turn himself back.”

“Back... into a creeper?” Ren asks.

“No, human, of course!” 

Oh man, now Ren _really_ feels out of the loop. Doc, arguably one of his best friends, wasn’t always a creeper hybrid..? That- that must have been why he was working with transmutation potions, then, Ren thinks. Doc usually isn’t big on potion magic, or magic in general, so... _How long_ must Doc have been camping with his problem, then? Given his situation, what he was trying to do, what he’s been _driven_ to do, Ren supposes it makes sense? He thinks he’s starting to feel dizzy. He’s losing it, isn’t he?

“Don’t think too much about it, we’ve all got our reasons for keeping some things more secret than others,” Scar says, and Ren nods, pulling away from Scar’s embrace.

“I just- Man... Even after everything that happened to me, Doc didn’t tell what he was going through? I can’t blame him, but... jeez...”

“Both of us were pretty focused on _you_ at that point, to be fair,” Scar offers. “I’m sure Doc wouldn’t mind telling you more, but you’d have to ask him, I don’t know everything either.”

Ren nods in agreement.

“Like Tango!” Scar blurts out. “I don’t know how he came to be what he is, but he’s here and if he doesn’t want to say anything then I won’t pressure him to do so.”

“He’s not-?”

“Nope,” Scar shakes his head.

“And Cleo and Jevin, of course, but they don’t try to hide it as much as some of us.”

“I suppose that that makes sense, yeah,” Ren says. “Humanity... is such a blurry line.”

“I agree,” Scar says. “You have _no_ idea how much trouble we had identifying what Keralis was when he came back! We still don’t have a definitive answer yet, but we couldn’t keep him locked up any longer. So that’s one mystery still left on the table as well,” Scar laughs.

Ren isn’t sure if he should believe Scar at this point, but he laughs nonetheless. 

“It wouldn’t surprise me if other creatures exist, either,” Scar says. “Creatures we’ve never heard of before. _You’re_ a whole new creature yourself, essentially. Part mob, part human, and powered by vex magic.” Scar sighs. “Like me.”

Ren carefully leans against Scar’s shoulder, and Scar (thankfully) brings up his hand to scratch his head again. 

Ren realizes that the struggle that he's going through right now is the same, or at least similar to what Scar must have dealt with. Or could still be working through right now? Not a day goes by that Ren isn’t questioning his very existence. Is he human? Is he just a wolf pretending to be a human? Is he holding onto something he doesn’t have anymore? Similar questions must ring true for Scar as well. 

And... considering how many hermits actually aren’t human in the first place, that... that really puts things into perspective for him. Ren has always thought of them as friends first. He’s going to have to reassess his whole concept of humanity, of what it means to be human, at this rate.

Despite the plethora of questions racing through his mind, Ren finds himself dozing off slightly. Scar is quiet, radiating a soft, calm mood now. Ren lets his eyes fall closed, allowing himself to focus on the feeling of the moonlight on his skin. 

He and Scar bask in the moon’s glow, taking in any spare magic that it has to offer, recharging themselves to get ready for the day ahead. And eventually Ren does successfully fall asleep. He finds himself woken up by Scar right when the sun starts to rise. Scar doesn’t look like he got any sleep, but he seems surprisingly okay with it.

Even from all the way up here, Ren can hear the other hippies start to wake up in their RVs.

Scar has to get back to Area 77, Ren knows. They’ll be on opposite teams again when the sun has risen, even if it’s only for the fun of it. But it’s nice to know that Scar, and some other hermits too, possibly, are available to talk to at night. That they’re struggling with, or have struggled with similar things as Ren. That they know what he’s going through, and that they’re here for him, even if he never really talked to them before.

Ren waves Scar off as he flies off, with a pair of enchanted elytra this time. Ren slides down the roof of the barn, running up to meet his fellow hippies for breakfast. They’re planning to work on their master diversionary mega plan of awesomeness today, and Ren wouldn’t want to miss it for any amount of diamonds. 

Doc and Scar won’t know what hit them!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! This is still somewhat early into the series, there's a whole lot to unravel still!! Let me know what you thought?


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